Friday, January 23, 2009

Lady Luck

I believe in karma. 

I always thought that if you do something bad, bad things will happen to you. 

A few weeks ago, I made a decision that brought me independence, but hurt some one very close to me. A part of me feels good knowing that I made a choice based off of honesty, but a part of me wonders if putting his happiness before mine, even if it meant I was lying, would have been the "right' thing to do. The damage is done now, and I guess I'll never know what I should have done. 

I've realized that in relationships, serious relationships anyway, somebody always has to end up hurting. 
Taylor Swift (yeah, I know, right?) says it best in her song "Breathe":
"People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we can say will save us from the fallout.."

So here is my current dilemma with this thing called karma. I broke this boy's heart; I am the bad person in this situation. I feel like I should be punished. This is not the first time I've hurt some one. It's never intentional, but it's just the way things seem to go for me. So why, if I am a repeat offender heartbreaker, shouldn't I be punished?

But I'm not being punished, not  at all. In fact, things have been going swimmingly for me lately. I have been catching up with old friends, resting, and generally just enjoying life. I'm happy, and overall, life is just been good. But why? Am I being rewarded for being honest? 

I'm scared that everything is going to change and my world will come crashing down on me.

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