Panic Room

I wish I had a panic room. Not the kind of room that I could lock myself in to escape robbers, though, but one I could use to lock escape problems. 

Last night, in the darkness of my room, I had a slight panic attack. I started thinking about myself, and my life, and I suddenly lost it. 

To start, my best friend's brother hasn't made much progress beyond breathing on his own. I came home today to see her and when I got home, she informed me she was going back to Seattle, where she's living now. It's not a problem, really; it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to spend some time with her anyway, I just feel bad I missed the chance seeing my best friend. 

I have been thinking about this Orientation Leader job I applied for. Word on the street is they are picking less than 20 applicants, and even though I was semi-confident at first, I literally am dying thinking about if I don't get it.

I'm not one of those people who likes the unexpected; I like knowing what comes next. Last summer, my best friend (not the one I mentioned above, my other bff) lived less than 20 minutes away, and I spent the majority of the summer at my boyfriend's house. If what I am dreading in my head actually does happen, I will not only be without a boyfriend for the summer, but more importantly, a best friend. Nothing in the world scares me more than  living more than a short drive away from her. You just can't go from sharing a room with some one to not even sharing the same county; it's impossible. 

I'm just so tired of feeling unhappy and nervous. I'm panicking about stuff I shouldn't be worrying about, and it's driving me crazy!