Get Out Alive

With all that's been going on in my life lately, there's only one question I keep asking myself: 

What the hell is going on?

I still have one more night to go on my three-day weekend, but so far, it's been a good one. I spent Friday night partying with some of my favorite UML people, and the night was amazing. There were a few disappointing surprises to the night, but overall a good time. 

I spent Valentine's Day going to the UML hockey game (we tied B.C. 4-4), had dinner (sushi!) with Lynchie and the Danish foreign exchange student, and had a couple beers at the Worthen to end the night. 

Though things on the outside are going good for me, on the inside, I don't feel so lucky. I just can't figure out what's going on in anybody's brains. Especially mine. 

For one, I keep seeing my "ex" around, for one, and it feels so awkward. I have to put the word ex in quotations because even though we've been broken up for a while, it doesn't feel right calling him an ex. Every time I see him, he gives me these looks like he doesn't want to look at me or see me again, which I could kind of understand if he didn't, but he's not mean about it, so I can't really tell. There are so many things I want- and need- to tell him, but I know I never will. 

As for my future, I have no idea what's going on in my romantic life. There are so many problems, so many fears, so many issues I need to work out before I move on, and I don't even know what to label myself now. Am I single or am I just unavailable? It amazes me that some one that can do so well in some aspects in life- school, friendships, family relationships- can't even figure out what to label herself at the bar.

In another sticky situation across town, a former relationship I envied is now under some major construction. A secret that probably shouldn't have gotten out did, and I am terrified, that under the somewhat comical circumstances, I am indirectly responsible. A love triangle is forming between people I really care about, and I just want it to work out right-meaning I don't want anyone getting hurt.

In another case of confusion, my best friend got a phone call from a man of her past that has her thinking, too. She- and I- can't help but wonder what drove him to call her after so many months of not speaking. If he called her, obviously she was on his mind, and if he's thinking about her, then it should be simple. But it never, ever is. 

I need to repeat that again: it never, ever, is.  

How do I make amends with my former love life, and how do I uncover what's actually going on in my current one? Can the tangled truth come out without anyone else getting hurt? 

In the end, all I want is for everyone's heart to be in tact. 

I want us all to just get out of this alive.